State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize