Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
