you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
