I looked at my own cervix.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
