I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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