i just had sex bonerless
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You took a bar mat shot.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Randomize
