i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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