Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
