Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
