Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
