Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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