walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
