i was born a porn star she said
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
