if i can run in heels then i can drive
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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