All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
