i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
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Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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