she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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