I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
