What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
