Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So. Much. Porn.
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