remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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