she was so not down for the gang bang
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
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The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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