I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize