I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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