Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize