Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
