Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
