Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
