Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
