he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
