I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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