found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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