why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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