you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just had sex on a roof
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
