We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
