be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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