He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
