wakey wakey hands off snakey
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
