If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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