clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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