just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
