walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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