So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
