i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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