Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
