You took a bar mat shot.
It's never too late to be topless.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
