I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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