We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
a search helicopter?!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Randomize
