Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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