You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
this just has baby written all over it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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