You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
