Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
