He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
