OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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