so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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