No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
