i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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