Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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