he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
