I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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