my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize