Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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