I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
