I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
