how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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